ｏｂｓｅｓｓｉｏｎ
you really crushed me this time, you are my heartbreaker.
but i can never hate you, i would never throw you away.
i build my dreams of you within me, yet you can tear it down so easily
like it's nothing, like it's nothing at all.
you always belonged to someone else.
love can be the source of joy and the source of sorrow.
love is pain.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Monday, February 6, 2012
if i were given a chance, just this one chance, i would choose to leave this life.
i want to live another life altogether, i don't think i can go on living this second best life.
there are too many thing i want to give up and too many things i want to forget. ― too many thing i want to achieve and too many things i want to experience. it's almost impossible for me to stop dreaming about the perfect life i can have. the desire to leave is undeniable and i can only truly find myself when i get my perfect life. i know it's something i have to work towards and i know i am trying and slowly paving my way to reach my dreams until the day comes.
just let me go.
“This is what it means to live on. When granted hope, a person uses it as fuel, as a guidepost to life. It is impossible to live without hope.“ ―1Q84.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
in which of things like scraped knees and blazing afternoon sun, uncertainties lie ahead.
i fell on the pavement on tuesday morning while i was rushing for my 9am class, a child and her mother was walking behind me and they tried to help me up but the first thing i felt was embarrassed so i replied "i'm fine, thank you" almost immediately. after i stood up i checked my shoes (they are new) before i checked how bad my wounds are.
kiko mizuhara // 水原希子
because she is beautiful, but does that mean she deserve it?
i fell on the pavement on tuesday morning while i was rushing for my 9am class, a child and her mother was walking behind me and they tried to help me up but the first thing i felt was embarrassed so i replied "i'm fine, thank you" almost immediately. after i stood up i checked my shoes (they are new) before i checked how bad my wounds are.
kiko mizuhara // 水原希子
because she is beautiful, but does that mean she deserve it?
Saturday, December 31, 2011
because it's the last day // -
let's begin with being honest. this year has been a year of pain and changes, it came like chapters of a well written book. i had gone through times of immense and unbearable of emotional pain and internal struggles but each time when i emerge from the pitch darkness i knew there are more to come, waiting for me to overcome. each time i held on to my dreams and hopes, to the perfect world i created for myself, only for myself. drawers of good and bad memories, all these had became my fuel. the pain that bites me everyday, i am growing as a person, towards my dreams. / wanting to live in my own perfect world doesn't make me selfish, it makes me human. then again, which human isn't selfish and conceited? i get lot inside myself, sinking deeper and deeper... i just need to swim back to the surface of my body, where i can see the rest of the world outside my peeping out of my eyes as if they were windows. sometimes these times that i swim to the surface of myself is the only way that i can grab my own attention and remind myself that i am alive. once or twice a day i sink to the bottom of myself and just stay there for a couple of minutes forgetting that i exist entirely.
●
this year had killed something in me. something that died long ago. i am not sad, not depressed. i came to realized the feeling in me that would combust anytime is anger. angst. / i knew it is slowly changing me inside because something has died, long ago. i will never forget those who caused me pain, on top on the pain i was experiencing through the changes. all those people who inflicted pain on me. directly or indirectly, intentionally or unintentionally, out of goodwill of simply just wants to see me bleed. - i will remember. i will always remember those who ruined this part of me. / i will not forget. / see to it, i will prove myself by achieving. / because you did not believe in me. / and you will ask yourself "why didn't i believe her that time?"
because it's the last day // -
tomorrow i will be a different person, never again the person i was. not that anyone will notice. on the outside nothing will be different but something on the inside has burned up and vanished. blood has been shed and something inside me is gone. face turned down, without a word, that something makes it's exit. the door opens, the door shuts, the light goes out. this is the last day for the person i am right now, the very last twilight. when the dawn comes, the person i am won't be here anymore. someone else will occupy this body.
＊
"You are too young to be this pessimistic."
"What?"
"Looking only at the dark sides of things."
"Pessimistic... pessimistic... I am only seventeen and you may say i don't know much about the world, but i do know one thing for sure. If i am pessimistic, then all the adults of this world who aren't pessimistic are a bunch of idiots."
let's begin with being honest. this year has been a year of pain and changes, it came like chapters of a well written book. i had gone through times of immense and unbearable of emotional pain and internal struggles but each time when i emerge from the pitch darkness i knew there are more to come, waiting for me to overcome. each time i held on to my dreams and hopes, to the perfect world i created for myself, only for myself. drawers of good and bad memories, all these had became my fuel. the pain that bites me everyday, i am growing as a person, towards my dreams. / wanting to live in my own perfect world doesn't make me selfish, it makes me human. then again, which human isn't selfish and conceited? i get lot inside myself, sinking deeper and deeper... i just need to swim back to the surface of my body, where i can see the rest of the world outside my peeping out of my eyes as if they were windows. sometimes these times that i swim to the surface of myself is the only way that i can grab my own attention and remind myself that i am alive. once or twice a day i sink to the bottom of myself and just stay there for a couple of minutes forgetting that i exist entirely.
●
this year had killed something in me. something that died long ago. i am not sad, not depressed. i came to realized the feeling in me that would combust anytime is anger. angst. / i knew it is slowly changing me inside because something has died, long ago. i will never forget those who caused me pain, on top on the pain i was experiencing through the changes. all those people who inflicted pain on me. directly or indirectly, intentionally or unintentionally, out of goodwill of simply just wants to see me bleed. - i will remember. i will always remember those who ruined this part of me. / i will not forget. / see to it, i will prove myself by achieving. / because you did not believe in me. / and you will ask yourself "why didn't i believe her that time?"
because it's the last day // -
tomorrow i will be a different person, never again the person i was. not that anyone will notice. on the outside nothing will be different but something on the inside has burned up and vanished. blood has been shed and something inside me is gone. face turned down, without a word, that something makes it's exit. the door opens, the door shuts, the light goes out. this is the last day for the person i am right now, the very last twilight. when the dawn comes, the person i am won't be here anymore. someone else will occupy this body.
＊
"You are too young to be this pessimistic."
"What?"
"Looking only at the dark sides of things."
"Pessimistic... pessimistic... I am only seventeen and you may say i don't know much about the world, but i do know one thing for sure. If i am pessimistic, then all the adults of this world who aren't pessimistic are a bunch of idiots."
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
the sputnik sweetheart // -
a Haruki Murakami's book. Murakami explores familiar themes such as the effects of prolonged loneliness, growing up emotionally stunted in an overwhelmingly conformist society, and the conflict between following one's dreams and clamping down on them in order to assimilate into society. the book's major themes include loneliness and people's inability to truly know themselves or the people they love. This is symbolized by the recurring metaphor of the Sputnik satellites orbiting at a distance from the earth.
xmas is just round the corner. i will be scanning some of the contents of my personal sketchbook/journal. it will mean alot to me because it’s gonna be the first time i am exposing my personal sketchbook and writings... because this christmas i want to bring some inspiration to people too. (well, hopefully)
so do look forward and continue to keep a lookout for this space, i apologize for half trying to keep it alive by spamming a bunch of photographs post after post, i promise there will be a change to this.
x
a Haruki Murakami's book. Murakami explores familiar themes such as the effects of prolonged loneliness, growing up emotionally stunted in an overwhelmingly conformist society, and the conflict between following one's dreams and clamping down on them in order to assimilate into society. the book's major themes include loneliness and people's inability to truly know themselves or the people they love. This is symbolized by the recurring metaphor of the Sputnik satellites orbiting at a distance from the earth.
xmas is just round the corner. i will be scanning some of the contents of my personal sketchbook/journal. it will mean alot to me because it’s gonna be the first time i am exposing my personal sketchbook and writings... because this christmas i want to bring some inspiration to people too. (well, hopefully)
so do look forward and continue to keep a lookout for this space, i apologize for half trying to keep it alive by spamming a bunch of photographs post after post, i promise there will be a change to this.
x
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
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